Through my relationship issues, and my uni flop, declining health, exams and my impending homelessness and expo, I’m actually cracking under the stress really badly.
I took 1000mg of MDMA over this weekend and the comedown is really, really, really bad. I know that one is my fault but everything together is just terrifying and I feel like my life is like. Melting. Like everything I’ve ever wanted is slipping from my grasp and it’s terrifying.
I’ve never asked for much. Never.
and this stupid comwdown that brings severe anxiety, dizziness, vertigo, nausea and aches is making me feel even more like the centre of the cracks in my life is myself with a hammer and nail. Like I’m the reason for all the bad things that happen, and whether that’s true or not I’m unsure, but I know I can’t quite handle that information.
That concept is my biggest fear. I’ve spent my life in therapy being convinced and convincing myself that I’m not the root of the problem, and when I am to fix and admit. Convincing myself that my self loathing and the hatred I recieved from those that I probably shouldn’t have is completely unjustified. The realisation that I am a problem is the most haunting thing I can ever experience. It’s shattering. Even now I can’t stop crying out of fear of what my fingers are making.
I can’t type anymore. I’m too scared of making my heart beat any faster.
Anonymous asked: Shiloh's back!? YouTube, Facebook, Tumblr? Where can I see her? :3
I’m not gonna give her details to anybody anonymous. Sorry, but she gets enough shit as it is, I hope you understand! You could just come off anon and I’ll answer privately? Sorry, sugar!
Sometimes it’s difficult to come to terms with someone important not having time for you, but I’m doing my very best.
I’m sure I won’t mind when I’m healthy again.
what a finickey, uncertain health I’m rocking.
I feel nauseous and horrible because of my medication, my teeth are numb, I have peripheral nerve damage from the last shit they gave me for my immunodeficiency which is every day, being a pain in my ass. & shall we not even touch on the psychological effects all of this is having on me what with the not being able to move freely and feeling trapped by this bullshit all the time.
I’m just really frustrated with the way I’m feeling atm and there kind of isn’t anyone to help - and god, I have so much to do.
I’m so stressed.
minaj1d asked: i love her so much, i just want to check how she is doing.
Glad to hear it. Enjoy!